I'm passing your future prison.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
