i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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