Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
