I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
