Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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