I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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