Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize