are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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