I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
