So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize