I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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