I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
