i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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