No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
