Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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