why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
