Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
