You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think my vagina is haunted
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
