Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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