You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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