??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
