Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize