I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
