you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
