I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
