i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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