He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize