I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I pour the whiskey from now on
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
