you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dicks are not precious.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
