Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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