Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
