You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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