Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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