sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize