I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
