smell my finger.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
