So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
