You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
