oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
