was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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