there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
