IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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