dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize