Capitaan dildo arrescate!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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