I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
