What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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