Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
