): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
