in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
