I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
