you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
