I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
