bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
