Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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