Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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