I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
