In the future we'll all be gay
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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