My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
