She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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