She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
