Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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