you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
