i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
