i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
