well I can't set my house on fire every night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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