Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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