p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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