This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
