You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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