I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize