he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
