can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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