oh god the rape fog is back!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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