I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
