I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
