I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
